If The Shoe Fits

Angry Auditioner (on phone): They all looked like me, but suckier.

- WARNER BROS

Hide And Seek

Black Glasses (into phone): ...Okay, I'll leave word.

Suit: Lemme guess -- He was in a meeting?

Black Glasses: Exactly. How am I supposed to fire the little prick if he won't return my calls.

-PETE'S COFFEE

He Works In Mysterious Ways

Fashionista: So last night, you know how I was all drunk and yellin' take-me-to-Taco-Bell?

Ginormous Glasses: uh-huh. I was there.

Fashionista: I know, shut up for a second. Anyway, I threw it ALL up last night! Everywhere!!! All over my comforter and my new bathmat. It reeked. But, then it hit me: I think God wants me to go on a diet.

Ginormous Glasses: ' Cause of the throw up?

Fashionista: Huge sign. Total fatty.

Ginormous Glasses: Maybe it's a sign not to get retardedly drunk.

Fashionista: No, believe me, God wants me to drink...and find a hot boyfriend.

- TOAST