Memories...

Sweaty Blonde Bimbo (in passing): Man, I miss the smell of horse shit.

Random Chick (to friend): I totally know what she means!

- TOP OF RUNYON

I'll Have What She's Having...

Gucci Gal: Hey, how was your date last night?

Kitson Girl: I've tasted better.

- RFD

Tough Times

Espresso: What do you think about gay for pay?

Iced Coffee: What?

- COFFEE BEAN

It's All About Perspective

Desperate for Love: ...But he said he was an actor...

Jaded Friend: Idiot, dancing around in a costume at Disney Land is not acting.

- PALIHOUSE

Thinning Out The Crowd

Teenager: Ooh, I so wanna red velvet cupcake!

Mother: Sure...but remember: Nothing tastes as good as looking thin feels.

Teenager: I hate eating with you.

- TOAST

Tools To Landing A Man

Hiker #1: You remember Felix?

Hiker#2: Yeah.

Hiker #1: He's on meth now.

Hiker #2: Oh no.

Hiker #2: Yeah, but he's got a boyfriend.


- FRYMAN

If you hear some hot 8x10, Agency Phone Monkey or Downtown Derilect trading one liners, write us at...lachatter@gmail.com

Shitty Situation

Spazzy Fanboy: Shit, we're too late! This is all your fault. You just had to take your "pre-movie deuce." You're never allowed to shit before a movie again.

Girl Walking By: Ewwww.

- THE GROVE

Nerd Rage

Geek: Ugh, they're sold out!!! Damnit! (Then) Okay, we can either go home or see Confessions of a Shopaholic...or Jonas Brothers 3D.

Super Fan (losing it): I'll kill everyone here!!!

- THE GROVE

Good Conversationalist

Girl #1: That guy last night you were talking to was hot!

Girl #2: I know!

Girl #1: What does he do?

Girl #2: I don't know.

Girl #1: What? You were talking to him for an hour.

Girl #2: I know we were talking about my dress and how hot I am the whole time.

- CUVEE

Bread To Be A Winner

Gold Tooth: Cranky, old trick got lucky. If that Vee-Dub honked one more time I was 'bout to go all Chris brown on her ass. Pa-Pow!

Chain Necklace: Bitch, you five-four. You couldn't beat up a sandwich.

- DOWTOWN, FIGUEROA ST

Watch Men Review

Fanboy: I can't believe I'm going to say this...but I've waiting my whole life to see that blue peen on the silver screen.

- THE GROVE

Buns Of Steel

Juicy Couture (into phone): It's called Bromalite. Guaranteed to work. Think of it as... bulimia for your ass.

- KITSON

If The Shoe Fits

Angry Auditioner (on phone): They all looked like me, but suckier.

- WARNER BROS

Hide And Seek

Black Glasses (into phone): ...Okay, I'll leave word.

Suit: Lemme guess -- He was in a meeting?

Black Glasses: Exactly. How am I supposed to fire the little prick if he won't return my calls.

-PETE'S COFFEE

He Works In Mysterious Ways

Fashionista: So last night, you know how I was all drunk and yellin' take-me-to-Taco-Bell?

Ginormous Glasses: uh-huh. I was there.

Fashionista: I know, shut up for a second. Anyway, I threw it ALL up last night! Everywhere!!! All over my comforter and my new bathmat. It reeked. But, then it hit me: I think God wants me to go on a diet.

Ginormous Glasses: ' Cause of the throw up?

Fashionista: Huge sign. Total fatty.

Ginormous Glasses: Maybe it's a sign not to get retardedly drunk.

Fashionista: No, believe me, God wants me to drink...and find a hot boyfriend.

- TOAST

Size Isn't Everything

Dodgers Hat (singing): Five - Five dollar footlong. Five - Five dollar footlong!

Subway worker: Can I help you?

Dodgers Hat: Yeah, I'll take a six-inch on wheat.

- SUBWAY ON WILSHIRE

Hardy Times

Striped Shirt: Jesus, this place is full of douche bags.

Red Scarf: No shit. It looks like Ed Hardy had a yard sale.

- STONE ROSE

Zen M-ASS-ter

Gym Tramp: This jerk...I can't believe he's walking out [of the gym] without a shirt.

Blasted Pecs: Well, he's got the body. Think he's on 'roids?

Gym Tramp: Who gives a shit. He was farting through the entire class.

- LA FITNESS

Hollywood Diet

Thin Girl: Got any gum? Quicky, I don't want him realizing I just threw up!

- RENEE'S

Write What You Know

Pretty Girl: I wrote a script!

D Girl: Finally! What's it about?

Pretty Girl: Me! Of course!

D Girl: Right, but what's it about?

Pretty Girl: I dunno. I guess...boys. Oh, and my mom. She's been a real twat lately.

- MO'S

The Cost Of Living The Dream

Popped Collar: Bro, I don't know if I wanna spend this much on a BBQ.

Big Timer: Dude, face it! We're in Beverly Hills buns are expensive.

- RALPHS ON BEVERLY

They Like 'Em Long

Vapid Girl #1: You know that movie Doubt? Was it saying all guys with long finger nails are molesters?

Vapid Girl #2: I don't know... All I know, if a priest is coming to molest me...he better be hot.

- THE ARCLIGHT

If It Ain't Broke - Don't Hit On It

Douche: So what do you do?

Pretty Girl: I'm an actress.

Douche: Been in anything I know?

Pretty Girl: No.

Douche: Working on any upcoming projects?

Pretty Girl: Yeah. Tonight I'm acting like I'm interested in you.

Douche: Oh...can I buy you a drink?

Pretty Girl: Yeah, I'm totally broke.

- ST. NICKS

Beach Front Living

Trendy Girl: I hate Santa Monica -- too many homeless people.

Thin Girl: Where would you live if you were homeless?

Trendy Girl: The Valley. It's much cheaper.

-- PANERA BREAD

Tears Of Joy

Frat Dude #1: How was last night?

Frat Dude #2: Insane. I totally weeping bra'd that dumpy chick from the bar.

Frat Dude #1: The hells that?

Frat Dude #2: It's when you pull out and finish in their bra so when they get up to get dressed...Ta da weeping bra.

Frat Dude: #1: What the fuck!?

- Q's

Peaks And Valleys

Party Girl: Where'd you used to live?

Guy: Silicon valley.

Party Girl: Is that where they shoot all that porn?

Guy: Uhm, no...are you serious? (Then) I think you're thinking of Silicone...

Party Girl: Yeah, that one's waaay dangerous. Had mine changed to Saline two years ago.

Guy: Wanna dance!

- THE EDISON

Bar Game Basics

Phone Monkey #1: I hate working at an agency.

Phone Money #2: Then quit.

Phone Monkey #1: Nah, I like telling chicks I work at CAA and can hook 'em up.

- URTH CAFE

It's All About The Pitch

Dude #1: Wanna go to Graumans?

Dude #2: What's there?

Dude #1: It's got, like, foot prints of famous people.

Dude #2: Yeah, what's so cool about that?

Dude #1: It's cool when you're high.

Dude #2: Man, I don't think I'd ever be high enough for that to be cool.

Dude: #1: I got Shrooms left over from Burning Man.

Dude #2: Man, why didn't you open with that. I'm in!

- BEVERLY CENTER FOOD COURT

Depression Era Fantasies

Phone Monkey #1: Who would you rather screw: Angelina Jolie or that girl from Lost?

Phone Monkey #2: Shit, on my salary I'm lucky to nail an intern.

- BARNEY'S BEANERY